Millennial Parenting 101: Spontaneity

Hello DDB fam! How are you doing today?

I am doing great! If you asked me how I was doing this time last week, my answer would have been “freezing cold!” Some of you may be familiar with a Winter Storm that impacted various parts of the United States. I am located in Houston, TX and it was an experience that I never want to repeat itself. I grew up in New York and I have experienced my fair share of snowstorms, I am not a fan of cold weather! When reports about the winter storm were being made, I didn’t think much of it because I’ve been there and done that. My plan was to stay home and stay safe as reports indicated that there would be ice on the roads; which is not a norm for Houston. 

A few years ago, I was involved in a car accident. I dozed off behind the wheel while driving, I woke up in shock and hit the brakes suddenly. Before I knew it my car was skidding out of control as I had encountered black ice. All I remembered saying was “JESUS!” as the remainder of my passengers were awakened. The car spun around a few times, after a while, it seemed like we were suspended in the air and then we ended up on the right shoulder of the highway; we were originally in the left lane. You can not tell me that it is not a miracle that we all made it out alive and well without any injuries or damage to the car. Thank you, Lord, for the gift of life and for safety!!!

When the local authorities told us to stay off the roads of Houston from Sunday night until Tuesday, I had no issues with obeying that order. I love my life, I am not a daredevil; I avoid unnecessary risks at all costs. But nothing prepared me for what hit me! Sunday was Valentine’s Day and hubby and I was able to successfully get the children in bed on time. I had prepared a nice dinner for us which consisted of lobster tails, Cajun garlic butter shrimp, baked macaroni and cheese, steak, and potatoes au gratin. The food was so good! After dinner, we watched a movie then called it a night.

Only for us to be awakened rudely in the wee hours Monday morning, the power went out and it was frigid! I kept thinking that it was temporary and waited for it to be restored. Hmm…our power wasn’t restored until about 30 hours later. We had to spring into action after we realized that many people across the city were having the same issue. My children’s school was closed and my husband’s workplace had to be shut down. We had to get into survivor mode. We all wore multiple layers of clothing, it was so cold that we had to wear coats, winter hats, and gloves while in our house! Also, we all had to stay in the “warmest” room in the house. Our living room was a no-go area, the cold seeped through the doors and windows.

Our stove is electric so we had to stick to food that did not require heating up. The children had lots of sandwiches and snacks. When we realized that wasn’t going to cut it, my husband decided to venture out into the streets in search of hot food and more snacks after seeing that the roads in our neighborhood were safe. As he drove through the neighborhood, he noticed that all the restaurants were closed! He found two grocery stores that were opened; for first there was no hot food and their limited snacks; at the second store there was a long line to get in, he had to wait in the cold and once he entered, there was no hot food there as well. He made it back with a salad and a few snacks.

By the time he returned, I was hangry (hungry + angry). The salad was good but not sufficient. I found myself snacking excessively. When it was evening time, it dawned on us that the power would not be coming back on that day. We had to be innovative, we decided to use our outdoor grill to cook. We made rice and heated up some pre-cooked food. I must say that cooking on the grill gave the food a nice smoky flavor. It was so good to have hot food. We went to bed, praying that power would be restored by the time we woke up.

I could not sleep for most of the night, my baby’s nose was running and my oldest daughter was congested. I had on two pairs of pants, three shirts, and a thick hoodie yet the cold managed to find its way to me. I felt like the cold in my bones. The next morning, there was still no power, I couldn’t take it anymore, I needed heat. I told my husband that I could no longer stay at home, we started looking up hotels only to find out that there were either fully booked or they did not have power themselves. I had to cheer myself up as I bundled up some more; hoping that the addition of another pair of socks would keep the cold away.

I was proud of my girls, they were handling everything well. They were playing like nothing was wrong. They said that it was a big slumber party and they enjoyed being in the same room with us. Their energy was encouraging! While all this was going on, I was also checking up on members of our church and our loved ones in the area. It was so disheartening when I found out that some members also lost power and water, I felt so helpless and it bothered me. But I did my best by praying for them and encouraging them.

Our power was eventually restored on Tuesday, however, it was unstable, we’d have it for a couple of hours and then it would go off. Every time the power would come on, I’d feel pressure to eat something because I don’t do cold food. I found myself overeating, I could not exercise nor could I keep up with my schedules and normal routines. I felt out of it, as survival mode was activated! I thought how interesting, my last two blog posts spoke about having structure and how to manage time by scheduling things. I remembered that I wrote: “I also leave room for miscellaneous happenings, because hey! Life isn’t perfect …” Well, life happened and I struggle to make lemonade out of lemons; it was too cold, and it felt like my brain was stuck on pause (haha).

I am such a planner, I naturally plan almost everything, when things get out of the loop. I find it difficult to not stress. Forget bedtime, forget my to-do list, forget my pre-planned activities…I was more focused on trying to taking care of my family, staying warm, and saving the battery on my phone! I had a very important deadline starring me in my face. I just had to keep calm and trust God. Our power was finally restored fully without any interruptions after about 48 hours. Just when I sighed for relief, I realized how much work was left undone and I had to get to work. Let’s just say the rest of the week was busy. After it was all said and done, I was filled with gratitude. It could have been a lot worse! I am now grateful for some things that were once overlooked.

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In my first blog post for the month, I stated that I would share how my month started another time. Well, this month started off with the news that my grandfather passed away; exactly two weeks after the passing of my grandmother. Reading the Whatsapp message announcing his death from my mom left me speechless. I was only comfortable with sitting on my living room floor as I felt like I was shaking from within. I was also worried about my mom, she just lost her mother, and now her father was gone. Losing a loved one sucks, it does no matter how old they are. Shortly after that two of the members of my church lost loved ones also. As a pastor, you find yourself feeling the pain of your members. At times words fail you because you are also going through some tough times. But we still encourage, we pray, and trust God to meet them exactly where they need him.

After a rough start to the month for me, the winter storm was far from ‘the icing on the cake’.

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Dear Millennial Parent! Don’t be so hard on yourself. Some days are better than others. You will make mistakes. You will have some tough days. Life will throw you some curveballs. Some days you will feel like you are not winning. Sometimes you’ll feel too tired to be someone’s daddy or mommy. At times, you’ll feel bad because it won’t seem like your hard parenting work is paying off. You may be tempted to want to beat yourself up and throw in the towel. 

I want to encourage you to take the pressure off of yourself. Educate and empower yourself, pray and trust God to lead you on this journey of parenthood. Children are his heritage, he gives them as rewards. He will always cover what he provides. He entrusted them into our care because he believes that we can raise them well. God never leaves you to navigate it all by yourself, he is the source of all wisdom and he is ever ready to dispense it as needed. Leave room for spontaneity, no matter what God will be there to walk you through the storms. Don’t let mishaps disable you, when you know better you will do better. Parenting involves learning so much on the job, the rewards and benefits of parenting done right supersede the hard work. So when days get hard and random unscheduled things occur, and throw you off your routine schedule look to God, the perfect parent and he will guide you even when it doesn’t make sense.

Much love DDB fam!

– Your girl, Bunmi Adebiyi

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