Hello DDB family! If you are new here DDB stands for ‘Destination Destiny Blog’ find out more information by selecting “About Blog” from the menu. Welcome to the family, I promise it is lots of fun here, get ready to be inspired and encouraged to live your best life!
For my regulars, what do you think about the new look for the site? Click through each menu page and tell me what you think! I am still working on it, it’s a new year, why not a new site look!!! Please leave your feedback in the comment section below.
Sooo…How was your weekend? How is your week going so far? My weekend was pretty busy, I kept saying I need a vacation… but I made it…all thanks to God!!! For now, I will be vacationing in my head, thank God for the gift of imagination! My week has started out on a shocking note (more about that in another post).
WELCOME TO FEBRUARY 2021! Let’s make this month a great one!
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I got a request in the comment section from my last post to write about parenting. This is for you Joy! That’s the kind of feedback that I like! Plus, I already planned to write about parenting, so it was perfect timing!!!
The above picture is of my three princesses by the way! Don’t they look regal!!! Shout out to my sister Bisi for hooking them up with their beautiful outfits, shout out to my mentee Aquila for their beads (contact me for her details), shout out to my amazing church members Tayo and Fannesse for the braids, shout out to Samuel for the lovely pictures and shout out to God for the natural facebeat! As you can see, it takes a village to have a successful photo shoot.
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Growing up in my culture, when it came to raising children “It takes a village to raise a child” was not just a cliche quote, it was the real deal. My mother always had my grandmothers around or someone to help out when we were born and throughout my childhood. Now for millennial moms like myself, things aren’t quite the same. Thankfully my mom was able to come around for some time after the birth of each of my daughters, it was short than I wanted but sweet. My mother in love was supposed to finally come around last year but she couldn’t because of COVID. She has been looking forward to coming around for each birth but something always came up; I really wanted her around this time. But it is all good! I am just thankfully that we are all alive in this moment.
One thing that I’ve noticed personally and through the experiences of others is that more of the baby boomer grandmas are working class grandmas. My mom’s time with us was dependent on her work schedule. Luckily when i had my second child, she had a whole month available (I kinda sorta planned it on purpose…haha.) When I relocated to Nigeria for a few years, I noticed many people had nannies or other family members around to help as an alternative. In that part of the world, nannies are pretty affordable. On this part of the globe a nanny can cost you an arm, leg, and two kidneys (just joking…laughs). Besides the cost, all across the world there are many considerations that must be taken to allow a stranger into your personal space with the great responsibility of assisting with the care of your children.
I’ve heard so many horror stories of nannies maltreating and abusing children, it is so disheartening. Parents really have to take out time to pray and observe before trust can truly be formed. I am trusting God for a nanny soon, I could really use the help…fam, pray for your girl! I am also very particular about who I let around my children, I am cautious about the atmosphere around them, words spoken to them, the songs they listen to, etc. Everyone won’t understand but parenting is sensitive, it is a big deal and a huge responsibility. It shouldn’t be taking lightly, neither should anyone judge how other people choose to raise their children. God is the standard for parenting, he is a good good father!
Plus, we are in the digital age, our children are far more exposed than we were at their ages. My children have been using tablets since they were about 1 or 2, now my 3 and 6 year old have learned how to use a laptop in a few months because they’re in virtual school. I didn’t own my first laptop until I went to college! They also have access to the internet which is a whole other world.
Millennial parenting has it’s unique set of challenges to say the least! Parenting has stretched me in so many ways. Some days are better than others, but we move. Mom guilty is real but we don’t have to succumb to it. We love, teach, nurture, clean up messes, affirm, pray and speak over them, and seal it with lots of kisses and hugs. We have to also pat ourselves on the back, especially for parenting during a pandemic!!! Oh my goodness!!! During the first few weeks of the lock down in 2020, I felt like pulling out my hair! Figuring out home/virtual school, preparing several meals a day, caring for a newborn, plus other responsibilities was A LOT! I am sure my readers who are parents can relate.
People often ask me how I do it all (marriage, motherhood, ministry, etc.), I used to sum it up by saying, it is all grace…which is true, but I felt like I was doing them a disservice by not breaking it down into practical steps. If you’ve been around here long enough, you’d know that I like to keep it real; I never want to paint an unrealistic story, there is always a story behind every ‘glow/level up’. I plan to share some parenting tips here from time to time, so stay tuned!
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Today, I will share one tip that has helped me navigate parenting in this season. After getting over the shock of having to be home alone with my girls during the day. I prayed and asked God for direction (prayer is my go -to, it is a master key, it always works!). God instructed me to create a structure that accommodated all the vital aspects of my life. So, I started implementing schedules and routines; I took my to-do lists more seriously, they became essential.
One thing that I had to do was to enforce my children’s bedtime, it was originally 8:30 p.m. but at times, I’d just let them go to sleep whenever. Because of some evening services and meetings, I had to change their bedtime to 7:30 pm, now they are usually in bed by 8 p.m. the latest. On weekends, I allow them to go to bed a bit later, we also try our best to use that additional time as family time. I also had to introduce structure into my personal daily routine. I started waking up earlier, I wake up two hours before my children so that I can pray, study my bible, exercise and take care of myself before I attend to the children. This has helped me to focus on my spiritual life, my fitness and my mental health. I prepare my mind for the day’s events.
Now, things don’t always go as planned…from time to time, my children wake up early, so I just have to go with the flow. Quiet time may not necessary be “quiet” but I get it done! Plus it serves as an avenue for my children to observe me. Parents are their children’s first role models. They will believe what they see more than what we say. My aim is always to be a good example, I am not perfect…I use my mistakes as teaching moments for my children…at times I apologize when I overreact and briefly forget my Godly parenting skills. Structure is Golden! Children need structure, set the rules, create routines and re-enforce them, soon it will become a rhythm that everyone will flow with. We also have to revisit these structures from time to time, as new seasons will require adjustments.
Children thrive when there is structure, they will know what to expect and what is expected from them and they’ll align accordingly. Don’t be hard on yourself, it takes time, patience, exploring different options, prayer and persistence. Practice makes progress! To my parents in the house, hope this helps! To the parents-to-be, feel free to save this information for future use! I will share more on structure soon!
Much love DDB fam!
– Your girl, Bunmi Adebiyi
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