Hello DDB Family, HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I hope it is not too late to send my new year greetings to you? I’ve written this post several times in my head, but getting time to sit down and type it out has been a bit challenging. 2022 ended with a lot of busyness and unexpected events (Higher levels, bigger devils). And January has been from one thing to another, so I am being deliberate about pacing myself and staying focused.
I’ve missed this space so much! I am grateful to those who reached out to check on me during my silence and those who encouraged me to keep the fire on here burning. It means the world to me to get feedback on how this blog has blessed you all…Let’s keep the same energy throughout 2023.
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How has 2023 been for you so far?
For me, 2023 started with a lot of applying lessons learned from the previous year. 2022 was an eye-opening year for me! It was really good to me in many areas. I am grateful for 2022, the good, bad, and ugly because it all worked out for good.
By the way, fam! My husband and I graced the cover of a magazine!!! We shared our 2022 experience. Do me a favor and check it out and let me know what you think!
Here is the link: https://bit.ly/Leisurefitzmagazinev2i2
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Let me share something exclusive that 2022 taught me that you wouldn’t hear or see anywhere else!
One thing that blew my mind this year was discovering that I am actually what some consider to be an ‘Alpha Woman.’
Here are some definitions I found to provide some clarity:
- Alpha Female: A woman who has embraced her leadership ambitions. She is talented, highly motivated, and self-confident.
- An alpha female is a powerful and successful woman, often in a leadership role.
- An alpha female tends to:
- believe her ability to achieve is limitless
- self-identify as an alpha female
- have a confidence that is contagious, which leads others to respect her as an equal
- showcase leadership characteristics
- be recognized by others as being impactful
- have extremely high ambitions
Source: Dictionary.com & Scienceofpeople.com
On the contrary, I identify as a child of God who is unapologetically about her father’s business (I am just saying!). Anyway, for a long time, I have been conditioned via my upbringing and environment to believe that I am a gentle person, who is always cool, calm, and collected.
Until my spiritual mother observed my second daughter one-day last year, marveled at her energy and extrovert personality, and exclaimed, “She acts like you!” My jaw dropped as I whispered, “I thought I was gentle.” A church member nearby said, “Pastor, you are not gentle,” While shaking her head.
For so long, I always tried to fit into the gentle box. Still, for some reason, I would always find myself very expressive, especially when talking about something I am passionate about or unhappy about. I was often heavily guarded; at times, I felt like I was choking!
That brief moment in time helped me to put many things into perspective.
- First, I stopped wondering where my daughter got all her energy from. I accepted my truth (Sigh).
- I also realized the importance of raising children to become who God has created them to be without crushing the uniqueness of their personalities but channeling it in line with God’s Will.
- It also hit me that my personality type, coupled with God’s grace, incorporated specific strengths that are not common to all. Hence, I tended to have unrealistic expectations for some people I did life with.
Let’s talk more about number three. Over the last few years, I’ve observed how God has taught me to show people grace and how he has enlarged my heart to love people deeply and forgive quickly. Four years ago, I would go off on people I worked with easily. At a point in time, I noticed how certain people were afraid of me and would try to avoid me as much as possible.
Deep down, I was perplexed; I truly cared for these particular people, but my actions didn’t match my heart. I believe I shared this here before, but I remember earlier on in my marriage, after a particular disagreement, my husband said to me, “Don’t crush me with your strengths.” The look in his eyes and the sincerity of his words humbled me big time.
Then God took me on a journey along meekness road and quiet spirit highway (1 Peter 3:4). I realized that not everyone had my capacity (plus I did not get there overnight). And I needed to empower people with my words and actions instead of tearing them down, even if it was unconscious.
So now, I aim always to be attuned to God’s Spirit. If anyone comes to me with a seemly “urgent” matter, I never rush to answer from my head; if the Holy Spirit is quiet on it, I don’t respond until I hear from him. If someone messes up, I forgive and correct them in love. If someone is not meeting my expectations, I take up to God in prayer and have discussions with them. If someone comes to complain to me about another person, I often encourage them to pray for them before responding.
I am not interested in proving a point or defending myself. I am focused on what God would have me do at every point i time. I want to see people blessed, transformed, healed, liberated, and fulfilling their purpose. And I won’t let anything get in the way…including MYSELF!
Now, that doesn’t mean I am no longer a goal-getter, boss babe, and ambitious woman. Nope, can’t stop, and I won’t stop! The vision God has given me is greater than me, and I can not shrink so other people can feel validated (that’s a word for someone!). Like someone I admire said, we type A personalities or Alpha women (men are not left out) need to learn how to modulate our strengths.
Modulating your strength does not stop you from being who you are; it helps you be more effective at who you are. After all, every leader’s goal should be to positively influence those they have been sent to. You can’t influence people positively when they’re offended by you! Selah…
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Okay, I really didn’t mean to type all that…I guess someone needed it! Please appreciate me in the comment section (wink) if it was for you.
By the way… I still enjoy my alone time and prefer family and close friend events to large events with strangers (that I often have to take time out to recover from). Be self-aware and Embrace your uniqueness (as long as it does not contradict the Word and nature of God)!
Let’s end this post on a lighter note…
Speaking about family events, I attended my cousin’s traditional wedding a couple of weeks ago. Congrats to him and his beautiful wife! It was a jam-packed weekend for me, but I am glad I made it!
One of the reasons why I thoroughly enjoyed the wedding was because I saw a lot of extended family members that I had not seen in ages. It was a beautiful reunion. Although one Nigerian Aunty (if you are not Nigerian and don’t know about them, ask around) tried to ruin the night for me. I was sleep deprived, on my cycle, bloated, and already feeling self-conscious, and the first thing she said to me was:
“Bunmi, you are really getting big! You need to stop eating burgers!”
I thought I was hearing things, so I moved closer and said, “Ma?” (Nigerian version of ma’am).
While looking me straight in the eye and with a disgusted look on her face, she said, “You are getting too big; you need to stop eating burgers! Burgers are not good for you.”
I looked back at her, smiled, nodded my head, and kept it moving as I made my way to get some food (go figure!).
This is someone that I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager…before I gave birth to three children and life happened. I wanted to respond and say, “Ma’am, this is not burger weight; I am actually pregnant with twins,” but I didn’t want to jinx myself nor allow her unsolicited comment to ruin the night for me.
Thank God for my husband, we joked about it, and he encouraged me to focus on my health journey. What made her comment hilarious was that I had a burger for lunch that afternoon after a long time. I was enjoying my mini-getaway!
No hard feelings…I still love her with the love of God! *smiles*
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Here is my 2023 encouragement to YOU, stay focused! Keep making progress; don’t let the comments of others or random distractions detour you from flourishing this year. Don’t let the steam cool off on your goals; keep moving! Don’t stop! When the curveballs come (because they surely will come!), play to win; it clearly shows that the ball is in your court! Don’t give up; it is time to make big moves!
DDB Family, there is so much in store for US this year! Let’s make it a GREAT one!
With lots of love,
– Bunmi Adebiyi
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