Married Life: Mission Submission

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Today we will be talking about something that usually arouses mixed feelings when mentioned. Let’s talk about SUBMISSION!

According to the Oxford Languages Dictionary, submission is defined as the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person. Some synonyms for the word ‘submission’ are as follows: yielding; agreement; acceptance; or consent. 

When it comes to the word submission in marriage, submission has gotten a bad wrap. Submission in marriage has been misunderstood and abused by so many. People have attempted to define and apply submission without appropriate information. Marriage is God’s idea, and God’s ideas are always good ideas! So why do tensions fly when the word submission is brought up? Why does it seem like so many get it wrong within the marriage institution?

Culture and society have attempted to redefine marriage, leading to a distortion of God’s original plan. The key to a fulfilled marriage is doing it in God’s way by downloading specific blueprints from him. Marriage’s primary resource is the Bible. If you study the bible intending to get a revelation about marriage, you will see the concept of marriage throughout the scriptures. 

Ephesians 5:22-24

New International Version

Instructions for Christian Households

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 

From the above scripture, we see that submission is an instruction from God to the wife. A wife submits to her husband as her head (leader). Naturally, many people tend to fight authority; it appears that everyone wants to be a BOSS. The idea of submission shouldn’t impose feelings of despair if one truly knows God. Humanity was created to have dominion. God’s kingdom functions by partnership. Like it is often said, “Teamwork makes the dream work.” 

In God’s kingdom, he is the king, and we are his servants. In marriage, the husband is the team lead while the wife is his helper; her role is to support. Marriage is a partnership, our responsibilities differ, but none are inferior. Just like the human body, even though the kidneys are not visible as the hands are, the kidneys are essential for the wholeness of the body. 

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After getting married, I realized that I did not completely understand the extent of submission. I assumed that submission would be a walk in the park. I thought that my husband would always have it all figured out. It was shocking to realize that my husband actually needed my help, duh! That is why I was in his life! 

I soon realized that my help was supposed to be supportive, not critical. The bulk of my support was supposed to be spiritual, not emotional. It was so easy to point out his shortcomings instead of presenting them to God as his helper in prayer. 

Submission is not passive; it requires proactiveness. As my mentor, Pastor Funke Obadje, says, a wife’s responsibility of being a helpmeet is comparable to the Holy Spirit role in the life of a believer. 

It dawned on me that I had a lot of work to do. I had to put in serious effort. The work I had to put in had nothing to do with whether or not I felt love. It was not my job to monitor my husband’s responsibility to love me like Christ. I had to take on the role of intercessor for my marriage.  

One day while feeling discouraged about my marriage, the Lord whispered to my heart, “Your husband loves you; he is my gift to you.” I wonder how a gift from God could make me feel so dissatisfied. Yet, I knew that God would never lie to me, so I believe him even when it did not seem like it.

Those words from God refueled me; I suddenly felt inspired to fight for my marriage. I remembered the words of my mentor, “Don’t touch that thing in the natural!” She always tells us to use our supernatural power to control our outcomes and never surrender to how circumstances presented themselves. 

Marriage is spiritual. Spiritual measures sustain it. I realized that my submission to the Lord encompassed my submission to my husband; God was holding me accountable. I started to pray and ask the Holy Spirit to teach me how to be my husband’s wife. 

During one of my premarital counseling sessions, our counselor said submission is a reflection of perception (I paraphrase). I had to constantly fight the urge to see my husband in the light of his flaws and mistakes. I had to be deliberate about seeing him in the light of who he was transitioning into. I had to make conscious efforts to love the person and deal with the problem. I had to forgive in advance; for the sake of peace (personally and in our union) and progress in our marriage. I embraced submission as my mission. I was tired of rocking the boat; I was ready to work with my captain (husband) by trusting him, so we can stir the ship of destiny in the right direction.

To be continued…

With lots of love,

– Bunmi Adebiyi

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