After the Wedding Bells: Married Life

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Today we will be talking about one of my favorite things, M>A>R>R>I>A>GE!!! As always, I want to hear from you, don’t forget to leave a comment before exiting the building!

If you have been here long enough, you will know that I was obsessed with the idea of marriage at an early age. In my young mind, marriage was the key to a fulfilled life. My greatest goal was to be happily married. I thought that once I found the right one, my life would be made! I am sure I am not the only one! 

After Jesus found and saved me, my perspective about marriage began to evolve. The first thing I learned was that my completeness came from an intimate relationship with him, not with a man. How liberating! He took me on a journey and taught me several things, one being the purpose of marriage. I learned that it was a responsibility that he would hold me accountable for. 

I took that lesson learned and ran with it. I want on a mission to find as much information on marriage as possible. I purchased numerous books and spent long hours searching online. By the time my husband-to-be made his intentions known, I felt like I had it all figured out! I ensured that I observed him keenly, asked all the right questions, and continued to mark off my invisible checklist as our short-termed courtship progressed. 

I also paid rapt attention during our premarital counseling sessions; I held on to every single word of counsel. I waited too long for this, and I wanted to make it worth my while. After saying I do, the real work began! All of a sudden, I felt unprepared. Imagine my shock when I found out that my God-given husband had some flaws and unpleasant habits, and I had to love and honor regardless. 

I was astonished; the books did not emphasize that some things took lots of effort and time. I did not foresee that a seemly simple conversation could feel like going through an obstacle course. I had no idea that I would have to humble myself and accept that there was much more to learn about my husband and marriage in general. I was surprised to find out that I was not perfect after all, I had come a long way, but I had much more ground to cover. 

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The first phase of this rude awakening occurred during our honeymoon. I saddled my beloved husband with the responsibility to plan a week of activities. What was I thinking? Well, I really did think it was going to be difficult. All I wanted was good food and lots of rest. The wedding planning process was stressful. Needless to say, asking him to plan the honeymoon was not a great idea; planning is not his strength. My silent hopes for breakfast in bed and rose petals in the bathtub were dashed; unfortunately, he could not read my mind. 

Our “honeymoon” was short-lived and uneventful. Then we got home, and it got real.  I had to adjust many things. I had an aha moment, my way of doing things was not the only way. At the end of the day, I had to be more interested in the end product than the process. Getting into disagreements about the process only leads to a delay in the end result. 

I came to the realization that being naked and unashamed involved being vulnerable and selfless. Ouch! Strong Bunmi was not ready, I fought long and hard to be delivered from a distorted self-image. However, in marriage, the fight was not against my spouse but the enemy! What a learning curve!

Marriage was not about my way or his way but our agreement and submission to God’s way. If only it were easier done than said! After the wedding bells rang effortlessly on our wedding day, we had to master the art of keeping the fire burning. Waking up madly in love was not automatic; we had to grow up and learn to act on truth rather than feelings.

If you are married, what is something that surprised you after marriage? I love to hear from you!

If you are not married, what are some interesting things about marriage that you’ve from others?

Comment below!!!

To be continued…

With lots of love,

– Bunmi Adebiyi

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