Supernatural Woman: When it Rains…

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Hello Fam!

Welcome to the month of June! We are halfway through the year!!! Woohoo!!! I pray that this month and the remainder of the year will be filled with back-to-back testimonies!

I hope you had a great weekend? My weekend was packed, plus yesterday was a holiday. I’ve been struggling to settle down and get some work done.

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Today, I’ll continue where we left off; check out the last blog post here if you haven’t done so already.

The rest of that day was a blur; I kept reminding myself that I was pregnant and needed to take things easy. But, I could not get over the fact that I did not know what was next. There was no plan B, and I literally had no other option but to trust God, which is the best option, anyways. But I just wanted to catch at least a glimpse of what was next. My husband tried to cheer me up and encourage me while I went through the process of grieving the loss of my job. I knew it was time to move on, but it hurt my pride that I wasn’t the one to initiate the move. And it hurt, even more, considering how things were exaggerated to attempt to discredit my work ethic. 

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My next concern was the continuation of my prenatal care and the delivery of my baby. I loved my healthcare provider; their system of doing things was excellent. I was unsure if my doctor’s visit rescheduled for the following day would be covered since my health insurance was from work. I was given a number to inquire about my options during my last day at work. When I called I was shocked at the price quote given to me by the HR personnel to retain my insurance. My husband just started a new job a few weeks prior, and he had to work for 90 days before qualifying for health insurance. The long search for good health insurance began.

The following day, my husband found the keys to the car in the garage, the same places I checked countless times earlier. I believe misplacing the keys was a blessing in disguise; I needed to stay put; I was restless. Adjusting to my new daily routine felt awkward; my body was used to getting up early for work. After dropping off my other two daughters at daycare, returning to an empty house took some getting used to. To complicate matters, I received a text from one of my former co-workers stating, “Work is not the same without you. It feels weird walking past your desk, and you’re not there.”  That got me emotional; my co-workers were terrific; I truly missed them and, I wished I had the opportunity to at least say bye. 

I tried to focus on the good; that day, I’d be finding out the sex of our third baby. It gave me something to look forward to. After the doctor’s appointment, I planned to treat myself to some yummy seafood. I got dressed in something comfortable and went on my way. It started to rain heavily as I drove, so I had to drive carefully. The clinic where I was scheduled for an ultrasound was a different location from where I usually went for my prenatal visit; it was farther out. I arrived and parked just as soon as the downpour intensified. I looked down at my protruding belly and then at my flats; I immediately regretted not wearing a better pair of shoes. I had to wobble as fast as I could until I got to the entrance of the clinic, where I paused briefly to catch my breath.  

I finally made it to the room slightly wet, I waited briefly in the waiting room, and then I was escorted to a locker room where I was asked to change into a gown. After changing, I proceeded to another room where the ultrasound was ready to go. I secretly said a prayer in my heart, hoping that the outcome would restore some happiness to me. It took some time before the ultrasound tech could see anything. The baby was pretty active; I waited impatiently, praying for some news to cheer me up.

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All of a sudden, the tech exclaimed, “I think I see something!” I held my breath in anticipation, “It’s a girl! It’s a girl! I know that signature ‘v’ line when I see it! I literally froze *crickets*. She looked over at me, astonished, and repeated, “It’s a girl!” Then asked, “Did you want a girl?”  I finally found my voice and said, “No .” She proceeded to turn the screen towards me, and I managed a smirk. Thankfully, the baby looked good and healthy; the tech confirmed that all was well. She handed me copies of the ultrasound and told me that her job was done. I’m sure she felt like I was one of the worse patients she’d ever had. My lack of excitement was vivid. 

As I changed to my regular clothes in the locker room, I struggled with feelings of guilt. “So what if it’s a girl? Every child is a blessing” I attempted to cheer myself up. I loved my two other daughters dearly, but I really wanted a boy. I wanted a boy from my first pregnancy. After the first two were girls, I figured “the third time will be the charm.” I called the seafood restaurant and placed an order, I needed to be comforted, and food was my weapon of choice.

When my husband called me, I hesitated before picking up the phone. He asked how the ultrasound went, and I exclaimed, “It’s a girl!” He was shocked; he said, “Are you sure?” I lashed out at him, “Is it not your fault? Why couldn’t you just give me a boy?” (I am laughing as I write this!) He was trying to encourage me, but I told him that I had to go because I was famished and didn’t want to say anything else that I’d regret. He said a few nice things that I can not remember now. I hurriedly hung out as I focused on the road and ultimately on my mission to get some seafood.

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To be continued…

With lots of love,

– Bunmi Adebiyi

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