Marching into Marriage: Single Seasons II

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Hey, fam! How are you??? How was your weekend? I hope the week is off to a great start!

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In my last post, I spoke to my Single Sisters in celebration of Women’s History Month! If you haven’t already, check it out! For my married friends, kindly leave some advice for the single sisters! 

My last post ended with these words:

“God wants to package you beautifully so when it is time for you to unfold, the content will be more valuable than your appearance. It more than marriage, it is about purpose.”

Whoa! That is some deep stuff, you gotta share that with your squad! 

This post is for both my single brothers and sisters (and the married folks that love them!) I want you all to march into marriage READY!!!

Marriage is God’s brilliant idea; he had it all figured out before joining the first man and woman in holy matrimony. You may have heard people say “Marriage is a ministry” several times and in several ways. Ministry speaks of responsibility and service. Once you get married, your responsibilities multiple (you benefits also multiple), since it is God’s idea, you will give him progress reports on how you carried out your responsibilities. Your responsibilities are mutually exclusive of your spouse’s, so pointing fingers will only reveal your inadequacy to play your part. Marriage is not for the faint of hearts, it is not a game! 

Wow! That’s some serious stuff! I am not here to scare you, I am here to keep it real and help you prepare. Marriage is surely a BIG DEAL!!!

Marriage is about service. You serve God in your marriage when you put him first and do marriage by his guidelines. He puts his son or daughter in your life because he trusts you to handle him or her with care. You can not be selfish in marriage, your needs are met when you focus on meeting the needs of your spouse. It is all about sacrifice, you may not see the results initially or you may not be appreciated for it as much as you’d like or in the way you’d prefer, but when you keep at it, you will enjoy a satisfying life. 

Marriage is kingdom business, during your single seasons, God is making huge investments into you, God never makes bad investments, they must always be profit. You have to yield to God so that you can become the person for the job. As a man, you have to build enough capacity to truly love your wife as Christ loves the church, Christ died for us! What are you willing to sacrifice for the sake of marriage? Are there some things, attitudes, plans, character traits, opinions, routines, etc that you’ve held dear? You must be willing to let it go if it doesn’t align with God’s overall plan, remember marriage is God’s idea! Now that may be a tough pill to swallow! But get this, whatever your sacrifice for God’s sake is never lost! There is something that is always bigger and better on the other side of sacrifice, can you trust him? Sacrifice for your wife = LOVE.

As a woman, you need to prepare yourself to submit. Submission is not oppression, it is God’s divine wisdom for effective and efficient partnership. You don’t have to fall for the temptation to question the authority that God has placed in your life.  When you submit, you make progress, you thrive, you always win together! Marriage is a multiplier, you get greater results in a shorter amount of time when you play your part! A wise woman understands that in order to build, you have to have a solid foundation, she is never threatened, she boldly rests her weight on the foundation (God) and supports (submits to) her husband so they can soar together as they build skyscrapers!

My question to you is “Are you ready? Do you have the ability to play your part?”

Oftentimes, God will put you in positions to see if you’re ready to handle the marriage institution. If you don’t have it together personally, you can not successfully run the institution. You have to be humble because you’ll have a lot of learning to do. He will test your ability to handle people’s weaknesses, your ability to forgive and forget, your ability to give without expecting anything in return, your ability to love people flaws and all, and your ability to submit to those that are have authority over you (i.e. your boss, parents or mentors). 

After graduating from college, I started graduate school immediately. I was studying to get a doctorate in physical therapy degree. Well, things did not work out, I ended up failing a major course and I was dismissed from school. It was a huge blow to my confidence. I found myself in a rut. I was confused about my life. After a few dead-end jobs and many rejection letters for Public Health programs, I finally got an acceptance letter and I had a short time to pack and relocate.

Before this, I had been living by myself for three years, I loved it, I enjoyed my own company and I loved having my own space. When it was time for me to start my master’s program, I was unemployed and broke, since my sister and cousin were starting their undergraduate degrees at the same school, we agreed to live together.

I thought I was the nicest and most amazing person to be around until I realized that I had to wake up in the same apartment with two other people. This meant, that they would see me on my not-so-good days, I had to talk even when I was not in the mood, I had to actually spend time with them even if I was busy or just wanted to be alone. A few weeks into our living arrangement, my sister and cousin started to complain about my loner tendencies. I was shocked because it was not intentional, it had become my natural way of living. I had a small circle of friends and I only dealt with other people on my terms.

While living with them, I also had to learn how to deal with different personalities, people doing things differently from the way I did, and seeing people in different seasons and stages of their lives without being judgemental. Living with my sister and cousin taught me that to truly live with someone in peace you have to love them and accept them for who they are as they blossom into who they are meant to be. 

I had to sacrifice my time, energy, misconceptions, negative attitudes, and habits for the greater good. No one wants to go home to drama! I had to see both of them as tools to help me learn and grow and I had to break out of my shell to make deposits into their lives so that they could also learn and grow. It was a give and take affair, it wasn’t always fun and games but it taught me the basis for true love and partnership- acceptance and comprise!

I hope you enjoyed today’s post! Now, I want to read from you! What is something that stood out to you? What adjustments do you need to make? Comment below! Like and share this post!

For the married folks, kindly share nuggets of wisdom in the comment section!

Thanks for stopping by, don’t leave without saying hi in the comment section!!

Much love DDB fam!

– Your girl, Bunmi Adebiyi

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