Marching into Marriage: Single Seasons I

Hey, fam! How have you been? How is your week going so far?

First time here? You are absolutely welcome!!! Trust me, you’ll love it here, this won’t be your last time! Thank you so much for reading today, I welcome you to join the Destination Destiny Blog (DDB) family! As a member of this family, you will be inspired and empowered to live your best life!!! 

Yesterday (March 8, 2021) was International Women’s Day!!! See my Instagram post dedicated to all women here! Furthermore, it is Women’s History Month! Yasss! Women deserve to be celebrated all day… every day!!! If you are a woman, celebrate yourself! Pat yourself on the back, high five your reflection in the mirror, you are one of a kind! If you are a man, please celebrate the women in your life!

Guess what fam?!?! Your girl was a guest on a podcast!!! I was invited by The Intrigue Woman team to talk about parenting! For those of you that have never heard my voice, this is your chance! It was lots of fun! The conversation was so good, I didn’t want it to end. Show me some love and listen here!!!

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In my last post, I said that we’d talk about Marriage for the rest of the month. Let’s call it the Marching Into Marriage series. Since this is Women’s History Month, I want to start off this series with my sisters…my single sisters to be precise! If you’ve been a reader of this blog for some time or if you’ve read my book “Lust is Blind” you’d know that I had my own share of relationship challenges. For as long as I could remember, I wanted to be married, I believed in fairy-tales and I was always looking for an escape from my reality so that I could have a happily-ever-after ending. I would daydream about my prince charming for countless hours. 

Over the last few years, I have had the privilege to talk to some amazing women who just like me wanted to be happily married, yet marriage seemed to be eluding them. I will never forget one day how I lost control of myself and was overwhelmed with emotions as my eyes overflowed with tears. I was so lost in the moment, I didn’t care what anyone said or thought about me. It was a conference for singles that was hosted by the church that I attended at that time. I was recovering from yet another failed relationship, I cried out to God for help, I was tired of the trials and errors. My heart couldn’t take it anymore. That day, I made up my mind to live for God and trust him to fix my love life. I was standing in line to be prayed for by the speaker and she said these words “You will be great! and you will attract greatness!”

From that day on, I knew that I had to upgrade my standards. I began a journey of restoration and preparation for my future. I let love lead and realized that what I was pursuing what had actually been waiting for me with open arms. I discovered that love is a person, God is love and I did not have to settle. I realized that marriage is God’s idea and I could trust him to link me up with one of his great sons. It wasn’t a walk in the park, I had been so wounded, I was scared to let go and let God. I was afraid that I’d end up with a man that was not my type; they’d be no chemistry and no adventure. I did not want that, a few times along the way I got burnt because I made attempts to help God but he remained consistent, he didn’t give up on me.

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I have found myself having to counsel and pray for mature single women who love God, are flourishing in their careers, all in all, they are great women. They have asked me questions like: “What am I doing wrong?”; “Am I too boring?”; “Is it a crime that I am saving myself from marriage?”; “Is it really worth the wait, can’t I just have sex and ask God for forgiveness after?”; “Are my standards too high?”; “Do I just have to settle for someone that I am not attracted to?”

These questions did not catch me off guard, because I could relate! I would wonder why was it so darn hard to find a good man!!! When I began my journey of restoration, I decided to ask God that question instead of wondering about it in my head; after all, he has all the answers. He then asked me, Why do you want to get married? To my single ladies, that is a major question that you have to answer. It will determine how your waiting season will play out. Let’s address something first, please do not put your life on hold until marriage! Your waiting season does not have to be dreadful, please enjoy your life!

Now, I am throwing the question to you sis, “What is your why?”  You may have wondered why we see people getting divorce left right and center, many people get married for the wrong reason, many people go into marriage without being prepared, many people don’t understand that you have to give every single ounce of yourself to make it work.

Some of you may answer my questions with the following responses:

• I am old enough
• My clock is ticking, I want to have kids
• I want someone to love and spend my life with
• I am lonely
• All of my friends are married
• I want to have sex
• I want to settle down

I understand your reasons, there is nothing wrong with wanting any of the above in the confines of marriage. I am pretty sure that I answered God with some if not all of the above. Then he took me back to the beginning and told me to study the origin of marriage. I realized that in order to attract the type of marriage that I wanted, there had to be a purpose beyond me attached to it. I saw that the first man was busy with God’s business and when it was time for him to be joined in holy matrimony, God brought the right woman to him. There was an instant connection, there was no need to go on several dates with different people. God knew what he needed and gave him just that. Now the woman’s desires weren’t ignored, God loved her enough to have all things prepared for her before he presented her. He worked on her in the secret place and was her first introduction to true love. She was only prepared for God’s best, she was not going to comprise. 

I had to redefine the purpose of marriage, I had to discard what society and culture told me about marriage. I came to the realization that I no longer had to take any pressure from myself or others, I could trust in the author of love to hint me when it was time. Until then, I’d work on myself so that I could truly be whole. I did not want to go into marriage broken, I knew that I was supposed to be an added benefit to my spouse, he was not supposed to complete me. I also started working on my misconceptions of the opposite sex, I did not have to make my future spouse pay for the crimes of my exes. The bad experiences of others did not have to become mine.

I had to be transformed into someone that would be able to accept the type of love that I desired. And I had to be mature enough to handle the responsibilities that came with marriage, the responsibility of being great and being a helper and a birther of greatness at the same time. It is no easy feat, but with the guidance of love himself, it is doable.

To my single sisters, I understand how you feel, I am here to help, encourage, and pray for you. Take out time to specify your why. Be sincere with yourself and expose the biases and negativity about marriage and the opposite sex that you’ve allowed to seep into your consciousness. Please note, there is nothing wrong with you, you don’t need to be “fixed” to attract the right man, you need to be whole so that you can be the best version of yourself in every season. You can’t give what you do not have. You are a treasure, a gift to everyone that comes in contact with you. God wants to package you beautifully so when it is time for you to unfold, the content will be more valuable than your appearance. It more than marriage, it is about purpose.

I truly hope that this post was helpful. If so, kindly leave me some feedback in the comment session. If you are married, please share some advice below for the single folks.

Everyone’s case is different, If you would like to have a one-on-one session with me, please email me: destinationdestiny7@gmail.com.

Thanks for stopping by, don’t leave without saying hi in the comment section!!

Much love DDB fam!

– Your girl, Bunmi Adebiyi

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