Getting Over a Hump

Hello everyone!

Thanks for stopping by today. How are you? Hope your year has been off to a good start?

If you were to ask me that same question two weeks ago, I probably would have busted into tears. I came into the new year with so much joy and excitement. I was thrilled about the days to come. However, all those feelings went out the door for some moments. On Saturday, January 5, 2019. I was relaxing in the living after a long day of chores…cooking, cleaning, etc. I was happy to finally have some time alone since my husband and children were fast asleep.

Those moments of serenity were priceless until I got that call. A call from my mother that I assumed was routine turned out to be a call that left me heartbroken. My mom called me and informed me that my uncle had passed away. My initial response was “Oh my God…Oh my God!” She hung up the phone shortly after so she could inform my dad (his older brother). Before I knew it, the tears came crashing down uncontrollably.

I felt physical pain in my body…it hurt to get such bad news. My youngest sister called me and I broke down further, she told me to be strong. She also told me that my dad was in shock, he sat staring at the television without muttering a word when he got the news. I couldn’t continue the conversation, so I told her I had to go. I called my other sister to inform her about my uncle’s death, she asked if I had spoken to my dad and I told her that I couldn’t…I also had to get off the phone with her. I’m usually the “strong” one but that day, it felt like all my strength had vanished.

When I heard that my uncle was in the hospital a couple of weeks prior because of a fever and a rapid heartbeat. I didn’t think much of it. When he told my dad that he wanted to speak with me, I didn’t hesitate to call him. He sounded like he was in good spirits although his voice was low and he sounded a bit weak. But I brushed it off when he said that the doctors would discharge him the following day because he was doing a lot better.

About a week later, my father called me while I was at work to tell me that my uncle was still in the hospital and that his condition had taken a turn for the worse. That news had me on the verge of tears but I held them back and continued to enjoy my job’s Christmas celebration.

As the days passed, the news about my uncle’s health wasn’t getting any better. I kept praying for a miracle. My mom and another uncle went to visit my him out of the country. I felt better knowing that he was not alone. They eventually had to leave because of work and other obligations. Fortunately, my mom spent Christmas with him and my uncle rang in the new year with him. I was so happy that he made it into 2019, and I prayed that he would make it to the end and many more years after that.

Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. After my other uncle left, we were told that my uncle didn’t eat the next day…we assumed that it was because he missed them. Three days later…he was pronounced dead!

After those phone calls with my sisters, I kept crying…I was inconsolable. It hurt so bad. You see, I had already prepared my testimony, I couldn’t wait to tell the world how my precious uncle fought and kicked cancer’s butt!

When the tears wouldn’t stop, I went to wake up my husband and share the news. He held me while I cried…at one point, I exclaimed “But I prayed…I prayed!”  Then he replied, “Remember it is the devil that kills, steals and destroys…get back at him!” 

I manage to stop crying for some time as I proceeded to use the restroom. I sat on the toilet and said: “The Bible says to give thanks in all things…so father, thank you for the life that my uncle lived.”

Shortly after that, I began to laugh…it was weird but I didn’t want to cry any longer…it was exhausting. After spending a few minutes in the restroom, I went back down to the living room and sat on the sofa. I then unlocked my phone and went on facebook, I went to my uncle’s profile and looked through all his pictures. When I saw a picture of him and me on my wedding day, it warmed my heart. He was the one who walked me down the aisle when my dad couldn’t make it last minute. I wasn’t happy about it then because I’m a daddy’s girl but I am so glad that my uncle played that role now.

As I sat there, various thoughts behind to flood my mind

“Don’t go to church tomorrow, you have to mourn your uncle’s death”

“Don’t announce that your book is finally available on Amazon, you’ll seem inconsiderate…you have to mourn your uncle’s death” 

I entertained that last thought for some days. I hesitated to make the official announcement for a while until I yield to God’s instruction…after all, it is not about me…the book was written by inspiration to set people free…so that they could live the life that they were destined to live.

The first thought was a ‘no, no’, I am a pastor and I have to get over my feelings and minister to my congregation. After making that decision, I got a text from my mom telling me to call my dad. At that point, I decided to call it a night, hoping that it was all a bad dream and all would be well in the morning. I couldn’t talk to my dad or anyone else about the news..I didn’t want to shed any more tears…I didn’t know how to console anyone in this circumstance.

I barely slept throughout the night, I kept waking up…thinking about my uncle. The morning came too quickly, I didn’t want to get out of bed. But I had to, even if it meant dragging my feet. There are no official vacations from marriage, motherhood or ministry…so I woke up and made up my mind to go about business as usual.

It was Thanksgiving Sunday at church and we were going to praise and celebrate God throughout. For the first time, I found it difficult to focus during praise and worship. Then my pastor (husband) gets up to preach and the title was “Faith that Rejoices”…I love my husband/pastor’s messages but I honestly didn’t want to hear about rejoicing that day (but I needed to, the Word of God comes to heal and set free)…as he ministered, I held back tears but allowed the words to penetrate my hurting heart.

God is faithful, hearing about my uncle’s death was painful. Yet, I made a decision to praise God regardless. It was hard but he deserves it. I was hurting but my God has been too good to me. So, I danced and smiled my way through the service while it felt like my heart was cracking in a million pieces…the truth was that God was healing my heart as I praised, even if I couldn’t feel it.

I informed my spiritual father about the death later on that day and he called to pray with me. He prayed that I and my family would be comforted by the Holy Spirit, I could barely say amen…but I was encouraged. Shortly after that, I finally had the courage to call my dad. I was barely able to speak, he did most of the speaking as I responded with mmm…mmm(s)… I didn’t trust myself not to cry.

However, from that day forth t started to feel better…I still have moments where I am on the verge of tears when thoughts of my uncle cross my mind. Through it all, I am confident that God is good!!! Now it is time to get back at the devil! By living out my purpose and not allowing anything to stop me! After all, that is what my uncle would have wanted…for me to make a success out of my life.

*****

I want to encourage any and everyone that has had a rough start to the year or have gone through a loss of some kind. It is okay to feel the pain, even Jesus wept. But I want to encourage NOT to give up! Take each day at a time, look to God for strength…pray about it…find comfort in the Word of God, he can’t lie…lean on the Holy Spirit, he will help you through it. Don’t give up, it will get better if you truly believe God to help you and give you peace.

2019 is a new year, there are many more chapters that are available for to author this year. You have a choice to either throw in the towel or rise above the challenges and move forward. I pray that God will surprise you this year and bless you beyond measure.

Stayed blessed!

“Where, O death, is your victory?
    Where, O death, is your sting? 1 Corinthians 15:55 (NIV)

With lots of love,

– Bunmi Adebiyi

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