Marching into Marriage: Single Seasons IV
Hello, fam! How is everything going?!?!
First time here??? *standing ovation* It is so good to have you here! Join the fam, subscribe to the blog, and follow @destinationdestinyblog and @BunmiAdebiyi_ on Instagram for further inspiration!
Wow, we are almost at the end of the first quarter of 2021! How is your vision board looking compared to your real-life???
Hmm, if I were to answer the question, I have some catching up to do, but I am proud of my progress thus far! Ever win no matter how small ought to be celebrated! I celebrate you fam! Progress over perfection!!!
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Throughout this month, I have been giving tips to my Single peeps on how to make the most of their season. I truly hope that those who have been following have learned a thing or two! Special thanks to those that gave feedback and left comments, you all are the real MVPs.
Today we will be rounding up this month’s series by talking about “How to Wait Right.” There is a way to wait and be productive, have fun, and be content while doing it!
Maximizing your single season is highly important; it is not wise to rush it. While I absolutely love being married, there are days when I reminisce on my single days. It was a great time for me! At times, I wished that I did not put some things on pause expecting for them to play out in marriage. I was amazed at how my life drastically changed after marriage. I had to learn to share everything: my time, resources, emotions, and food (haha recovering foodie problems)! It was an adjustment that has turned into a beautiful journey.
I always encourage singles to have a bucket list and ensure they check it off as they live their best lives. After being in a relationship for almost three years and being broken up with, I discovered that I never really took out time to enjoy being alone. My first real relationship was at the age of 18, in all of my relationships, marriage was always the goal for me. So I lived like a married woman subconsciously.
After getting my heart crushed, not only by the breakup but because I knew that I shouldn’t have been in that relationship to start with. I was already broken at the start and I continued to fall apart as the relationship progressed. I had no business being in a relationship with anyone.
I was left with no other option but to look myself in the mirror and learn to love myself. That process was tedious, sigh! I had spent so much time, looking for validation from others. Read more about my struggles and eventual liberation here or here.
In my season of rediscovery, God sent me the best of friends, they truly loved me, flaws and all! If you are single, have a tribe! A tribe that can cheer you on and encourage on this journey. A tribe that includes people who are living a life of purpose, pursuing God’s vision for their lives. Friends that can love you without judging you, friends that can pull you up when you’re in a rut. The bible says in Proverbs 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend” (NLT), you need people that keep it real with you not allow you to be to settle for less or live an average life.
With the new normal that the pandemic introduced, meeting new people can be challenging. It is not a disadvantage, it is a means to become creative. There are many virtual platforms and events where you can mix and mingle! Now, you have to do this with discretion as we know that people aren’t always who they portray themselves to be. Let God lead you to establish various types of connections: professional, educational, connections based on hobbies and other interests.
After meeting my new set of friends, I finally had a social life! I was no longer ‘boo’ed up’ and imprisoned with my idea of being married while single. We would have game nights, go to the movie theaters, go out to eat, attend church social events, attend and host get-to-getters. We had so much fun, there was always something to do! They kept me going, they kept me accountable, and they inspired me to be committed to God’s Will and living a life of greatness. That’s what true friends are for!
The only thing that I wished we did more of was travel, there were opportunities to travel together but every time it was brought up I would shut it down. In my mind, all I could think of was romantic trips with my significant other; being forever honeymooners. *Laughing at myself hysterically*
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The whole process of discovering and loving myself while making new friends and having a blast was rooted in developing a flourishing relationship with God. Oh my, I had so much time to love up on my father without distractions. I will never forget the times of pouring out my heart to him while he overwhelmed me with his love. He took quality time to teach me and refine me. God became real to me in those seasons. I would hear him so clearly while going about my day or while listening to messages and studying the Word. He healed my wounds, he redefined my experiences, he satisfied my longings for the clarity of my identity!
I would go on dates with the Holy Spirit, at times we’d just chill and chat at home, other times we’d go to the movies or go out to eat. At first, the thought of going out on dates was awkward, but the Holy Spirit is the best company. Now, I didn’t go to these places and start talking to myself out loud or order an extra plate of food. My conversations with the Holy Spirit were internal, deep, entertaining, and revolutionary. They were deep whispers in the depths of my being that painted unforgettable images of God’s beautiful plans for my life.
It was a heavenly romance! Wooooshhhhh, I am getting goosebumps while typing this! Those days helped me to become grounded, God refined me and molded me, he took me as his personal love project. It was so necessary for me to give in and allow him to do what needed to be done. My single seasons were solid prerequisites for my marriage seasons. I am not sure if I would have made it this far in marriage or other areas of my life (because your single season is much more than marriage preparation) if I did not make the most of those seasons. Don’t live your life on pause, make the best of every season, focus on the good as you expect the better! LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE NOW!!!
Alright, fam! Thanks so much for reading, you know I love to read from you all! Holla at me in the comment session!
With lots of love,
– Bunmi Adebiyi
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